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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?